


Deadlier Than the Mail

by james



Category: NCIS
Genre: Humor, M/M, Not Episode Related, Not a Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-09
Updated: 2006-06-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 06:16:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13312227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/james/pseuds/james
Summary: Is it possible to write a crack!fic version of a crack!fic? If so, I did.





	Deadlier Than the Mail

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ MTAC](https://fanlore.org/wiki/MTAC), an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address on [ the MTAC collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/mtac/profile)

It was actually quiet for a change -- not that they didn't have slow days at NCIS. But Tony was sitting at his desk, not talking to anyone. Kate was reveling in the silence and trying to ignore the pending sense of doom that always crept up whenever she found herself thinking that Tony wasn't up to something.

Glancing over, she confirmed that he was still working -- if it were anyone else she'd put him totally out of her mind. Like McGee, who was also working quietly, but whose silence didn't make her paranoid. 

Kate grinned as she saw a note on her screen that Abby had sent her a message. She clicked onto the IM window and read, typing back quickly to confirm that lunch someplace 'anywhere but here' sounded perfect. From across the aisle, she heard Tony sigh. Kate tensed, and risked a glance over. 

Everything seemed fine. She typed to Abby, 'Should I worry that Tony hasn't tried to annoy me all morning?'

Abby's reply did nothing to calm her down. 'OMG yes! Run!!'

Kate grinned. Then she noticed that Tony was no longer at his desk. Frowning, she stood up and looked around, but saw no sign of him. It had only been a few moments ago that he'd been at his desk; it worried her she hadn't seen him leave. 

"McGee? Did you see Tony?"

McGee looked up, then around the room with a confused expression -- it was clear he hadn't seen anything at all. "He was at his desk. Why?"

"Because he's up to something!" She should have known. It was too good to be true, too good to last. Kate hurried around her desk, intent on seeing if he'd left any clues on his computer. What she wouldn't give for one entire day without DiNozzo doing something to make her want to shoot him.

Then she came to a halt, frozen in a brief second of fear. "Tony!"

She saw McGee get to his feet, but she was already on her knees. Tony -- small, brown, and furry -- was hopping out from under his desk with a letter in his mouth. Kate scooped him up, accidently knocking the letter to the floor. 

"Find Gibbs!" she snapped, as McGee ran over. But it wasn't necessary, as she heard Gibbs' voice from the stairs.

"Find me for what?"

Kate turned around, and she saw Gibbs' face harden with concern. He hurried towards her, and she handed Tony over as soon as he reached her side. Gibbs' arms went protectively around Tony, holding him tightly. McGee was hovering expectantly, as though waiting for just the word and he'd be on it. Whatever 'it' turned out to be.

Kate picked up the letter before Gibbs could ask. "He had this," she said, and there was something about the back of the envelope that seemed oddly familiar. 

"Who is it from?" Gibbs asked.

Gingerly, Kate turned it over. She blinked at it. Then she held it up so they could see. "Something you'd like to tell us, DiNozzo?"

"The IRS?" McGee sounded surprised. 

"Is that real?" Gibbs peered at the letter.

"Looks authentic to me," Kate said, giving Tony a stern glare. "Official notice from the IRS. Not feeling at all *guilty*, are we?" She gave the bunny another stern look. Tony just stared back like he didn't understand English. She knew better, of course, but sometimes he really worked the 'turned into a bunny' thing.

"Open it up." Gibbs' tone was serious, still concerned. The bunny in his grip was starting to look a little frantic.

Kate went over to her desk and grabbed a letter opener, carefully slicing the envelope open. She dumped the pages inside onto her desk, then picked them up and unfolded them.

She read it twice to make sure she'd deciphered it correctly.

"Well?" Gibbs snapped, impatiently.

Kate whapped Tony on the nose with the letter. He blinked and looked affronted; she ignored him. "You owe the IRS--" she paused as Tony tried frantically to get out of Gibbs' arms. Gibbs held on, and she continued, "*Five* dollars."

She waited. McGee looked from her to Tony, then back. "Five dollars?"

"That's what it says." She handed Tim the letter, and he read it over, nodding his agreement.

Tony looked at her, big brown eyes unblinking. She whapped him again, with the envelope. Served him right -- nearly giving her a heart attack. From the look in McGee's eyes, she wasn't the only one thinking of leaving rabbit stew recipes on Tony's computer.

Gibbs grabbed Tony by the neck and held him up. Feet dangling in the air, Tony looked just as cute and pathetic as he ever did in human form. Possibly even more, as he wanly kicked his hind legs. But Gibbs didn't let him go.

"Five dollars?" Gibbs asked, and Kate could have sworn Tony was giving him a 'wasn't me, boss,' look. It was frightening to see how easily she could read his facial expressions as a bunny.

Or maybe she just knew Tony too well. As did Gibbs -- who was looking back at him with his usual 'Don't give me that, DiNozzo' expression. Tony stopped trying to wriggle free and settled for looking as cute and pitiful as rabbitly possible. 

"McGee," Gibbs said.

"Yes, boss?"

"Take Tony down to Autopsy. Turn him loose -- he can't get into any trouble down there." He dropped Tony into McGee's arms; after a moment of fumbling, McGee had a firm grip on the bunny. 

"Yes, boss." 

Kate watched as McGee gave Tony a positively evil look as he walked away. Kate heard him say, "So, Tony, maybe this would be a good time to ask you about that paint job." 

~~~

A half hour later, Tony came upstairs wearing a set of scrubs. His hair was rumpled, and he looked more sheepish than Kate could ever remember seeing him. As he headed for his desk, she asked, "So, Tony. Would you like to borrow five dollars?"

"You'd better make it six," McGee called over. "Late fees, service charges... I hear those can really add up." 

Kate laughed as Tony gave him a sour look. "Good thinking, McGee." Kate reached down and grabbed her purse; she counted six ones from her billfold, and handed them over to Tony. "You can pay me back in installments. And don't worry -- I'll warn you before I send you an invoice."

Tony sneered at her -- then he grabbed the money, and went back to his desk. She let him keep it; Abby had already made her some blank forms on IRS letterhead. 

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked.

"Yes, boss?"

Kate peeked out of the corner of her eye. Gibbs was smiling. Tony looked worried.

"Why are you still wearing those scrubs?"

Tony jumped to his feet and scrambled for his clothes. McGee had folded them when he'd returned -- taking the time to get into Tony's wallet and paying back himself, Kate, and Gibbs of the money Tony owed them. Which he should be noticing in about....

"Hey!" Tony held up his wallet and glared at them. Kate just smiled.

Some days, she didn't mind when it didn't stay quiet.


End file.
